One Clear Blue Morning
One Clear Blue Morning
by Jen Manglos | Seattle, WA
Tears flow as I sit down in front of the Catedral de Santiago de Compostela—a place I have been many times. But this moment feels different, and I let the newness wash over me. I just left my friend’s shell at a local musicians bar she had visited last year. Before the diagnosis. Before the hospital. Before she died.
I sensed her as I walked my Camino, almost as if she was next to me. There were moments when I would stop at a church, or see a sign, and suddenly wonder: “Were you here, my friend? What were you thinking and feeling as you walked? Are you with me now?”
I didn’t expect to encounter my friend as I walked. Her presence was both a surprise and a comfort. We never walked on the Camino together. We did share walks through our neighborhood, training for our separate pilgrimages and then helping each other through the process of returning home. I felt her absence this year as I prepared for this Camino, as if something, or someone, was missing.
The time between last year’s Camino and this year’s has been deeply painful. Loss. Confusion. Frustration. Fear. Anxiety. Even last year’s pilgrimage was charged with the same emotions. These months since then have been spent processing through and debriefing my experience, but I haven’t been able to reconcile it fully. Until this morning, in front of the cathedral. Something shifted internally as I released my friend’s shell, almost as if I was finally able to let go of the pain.
I sit in front of the cathedral, backlit by the loveliest blue sky, letting the tears freely flow. As I listen to Dolly Parton sing “Light of a Clear Morning,” she heralds this shift in my story as she sings these lines:
It’s been a long dark night
And I’ve been a waitin’ for the morning.
It’s been a long hard fight
But I see a brand new day a dawning.
I’ve been looking for the sunshine.
You know I ain’t seen it in so long.
But everything’s gonna work out just fine
And everything’s gonna be all right
That’s been all wrong.
’Cause I can see the light of a clear blue morning.
I can see the light of a brand new day.
I can see the light of a clear blue morning.
Oh, and everything’s gonna be all right.
It’s gonna be okay.
This clear blue morning is ushering in something new within me. I don’t know what, but I feel that tug, as if this newness is my next pilgrimage. Once more, I say yes.
Dolly Parton. “Light of a Clear Morning.” New Harvest… First Gathering, Sony Music, 1977. Have a listen on YouTube.
