I Hope You Know I Love You
I Hope You Know I Love You
by Michael D. Thomas | Omaha, NE
“I hope you know I love you.” I always hear my father’s voice when I say this to my kids.
In June 2022 when I picked up a rock near Seth Bullock’s grave in Deadwood, SD, I had little idea what it would feel like to leave it behind at the Cruz de Ferro two years later.
When I picked up the rock, I knew my dad was sick and declining. This man who lost his father before he turned 30, prepared me well to grieve. He chose a career providing care for those facing the end of their lives. As a result, I learned to make every moment count. The western trip where I picked my rock was a way to teach my kids this lesson.
I wanted to re-create my father’s example. I wanted to give my kids the meaningful experiences he had given me. When my three-year-old fell asleep in my arms in the saddle during a trail ride, I remembered doing the same thing with him in the summer of 1981 when I was three. I cradled her and felt connected to him.
When I laid my rock down at the Cruz de Ferro, Dad had died. I had walked 540 kilometers, and having joined me in León, my 12-year-old was now with me. She and I said a prayer and stood in silence. The rock, for me, was a symbol of passing on traditions from generation to generation. After losing Dad, I wanted to connect his memory with all the prayerful intentions of pilgrims symbolized by this spot on the trail.
We lingered here for more than an hour, reluctant to go. When we finally left, a young woman approached. She said, “I couldn’t help but be moved by whatever brought you here today, and I feel compelled to give you a hug.”
That hug was exactly what we needed. As we walked down the mountain to Molinaseca, my daughter said, “I had no idea there were places as beautiful as my feelings for Grandpa.” I couldn’t agree more. I felt as cradled by the Camino as I had rocking on the back of that horse, in my father’s arms.
I was moved and all I could say to my daughter was, “I hope you know I love you.” My dad spoke as clearly as he had when he said that to me so many times.
