A Broken Soul
A Broken Soul
by Riana Annandale | Castle Pines, CO
In 2021, I lost my dad. I was fortunate to be able to travel to South Africa and to spend a couple days with my parents before my dad’s sudden passing. The night my dad died, I visited him in hospital and asked him if he wanted to go home. He replied, “Yes.” From his vitals I could see he was not doing well, and he said he was very tired. I took his hand and prayed a simple prayer: “God, for myself, I want my dad to live forever, but I do not want him to suffer. Your will be done.” A couple of hours later he died.
It broke my heart, my spirit, even my will to live. I could not accept that he was gone. My world collapsed. I lost interest in life and became a complete recluse and hermit. I stopped eating, lost 25 pounds, and developed anxiety; my love of life seemed to pass with my dad.
I felt called by God to do a pilgrimage by myself. It did not have to be the whole Camino. It only needed to be the time I could afford to go and leave my family. And so, I went and walked from Astorga to Santiago de Compostela in seven days. I could not stop myself from walking farther and farther. One day, I covered 35 miles; it took me 15 hours. The physical suffering helped me to release my emotional pain. I cried not from physical pain, but because of the emotional burden I carried. With every step I took, I put more distance between me and the Cruz de Ferro, where I left my burdens early one morning.
I was obedient to God’s calling to solitude and restoration. Since then, I haven’t had another anxiety attack, and I trust God that through my love for Him, and my obedience, I will never have another one. I have hope again, and I feel restored and alive. I walked the Camino alone, but in the presence of my Creator. I did not do any touristy things as planned. I realized that I was, in fact, a pilgrim, called by God. I did not pick up my Compostela as planned, and I did not go to Finisterre as planned. What I received was so much more than the human traditions. I received mercy and grace, and God’s restoration of my broken spirit.
